waiting

I was walking to class while listening to my ipod today, as I do most days. I was just listening to Empire State of Mind by Jay Z ft. Alicia Keyes when suddenly "Stuff We Did" by Michael Giacchino from the UP soundtrack came up next. I usually like to have my itunes on shuffle bc I enjoy being surprised by the songs. But the switch of songs startled me, because I noticed I immediately started walking much slower. Isn't it funny how our mood, thoughts and even walking patterns are heavily influenced by what's entering our ears? That's why we have extra "work out playlists" and "study playlists" right? Because we are influenced by music and what we listen to when we are doing things. Work out playlists are usually your hip hop and pumped up songs, cue "Eye of the Tiger" whereas study music are usually slower and calmer, cue Yiruma. The soft piano playing calmed me down, and immediately I started having time to look around at what was in front of and around me.

Listening to the piano playing reminded me of when I played flute. There's always a lot of notes, but oftentimes the parts that are more important than the notes you played were the times you rested, and did not play anything. The rests, the silences were actually what made a song--it gives you rhythm. As an early beginner I struggled with the rests, I didn't get it. I just wanted to play my notes at all times. This led to me having rhythm issues for the greater part of my early flute playing years. But once I was preparing for my first big flute solo it all started to make sense. The first time I played with an accompanist I realized all the reasons for my rests. He was playing and filling in during the times I was resting. When my flute and his piano came together--the song was finally complete. In my moment of clarity there was reason for my resting, and reason for his resting. But of course, after that first rehearsal you have to go back and practice on your own again. And you still, of course, have to rest and stop. But this time you know why you are stopping and resting, you know why you don't play for six measures here and five measures there.

It made me think of this period in my walk where I'm in the desert. Walking, breathing, living dryness. Why? I don't understand. Until I came upon this one passage

"I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." -Hosea 2:14

It's like that moment when I first played my solo with the accompanist. It is starting to make more sense...my reason for resting, this waiting, this dryness, this desert. It is not without purpose, it is not to tease me or make me miserable. There is a purpose, Your hand is upon this.