Tired

I am tired, my flesh is weak. I have been on campus and at work from 9-5 or 6 everyday. Going back and forth running from class to work and then back to class. Forgetting to eat (which is huge for me) I think my stomach feels neglected everytime lunch comes around now. Spending time with family and checking in with them during commutes back and forth...I feel like my body is already trying to break down on me, but I'm fighting it as much as I can with Odwalla Vitamin C overdose and lots of cell defense vitamins. But my soul is energized and so excited. Despite running back and forth from point A to point B I have been praying for God to let me see this campus through His eyes, my hearts been wrestling with Him, trying to align myself with His purpose and most importantly His timing. Finding Him in His love letter. I am so restless for San Diego, to see Him work there and move mightily.

San Diego.....here we come! God meet us here.

Cambodia 2008

We took this photo on the last day of teaching. It was chaotic because it was a Friday and class got unexpectedly cut short due to an impromptu "teacher's meeting." Our team thought we'd have an entire day of teaching and being able to say goodbye to our students but it seemed all that time was taken away. To our utter surprise and amazement, we walked down the hallway to find our students still there, waiting for us outside their locked classroom. Despite that they had the day off from school, they were waiting to say bye to us, give us gifts we didn't deserve, and exchange emails to keep in touch. Some of these kids pictured here were Christian and they had amazing testimonies. The boy on the way left had a medical condition regarding his right arm. In our broken communication he explained how he prayed for God to heal it for more months on end and finally he was healed. I was humbled by his faith, his confidence in prayer, and the assurance of God's power to heal him.

It's already been 6 months since we left Cambodia. We look cleaner, we probably smell better, we eat better food and for sure, we are much more comfortable. Constant running water, clothes that are properly washed, no anchovy pasta, and air conditioning. But I miss Cambodia and Life University so much and there's never a day that passes where I don't think about Cambodia, my students, the missionaries, or Bengtaproum. Somehow I wish I could be back there...

God is good! I forgot to update a list yesterday so this one will include both days

1) LW smallgroups: I am finally in a smallgroup again! Though I don't know what to expect at all, I am excited.

2) OMOS prayer team: Prayer is so essential, and so powerful. There is truly nothing like it, and when you're with other people lifting up one voice--there is power in that. And to see answers getting answered, what a joy that is. We prayed for Phyllis' voice to recover and today during tabling she said she could sing again! Thanks God :)

3) Hang out at Unit 2: I finally joined the "study" group that usually meets at unit 2. But that title is completely deluding because no one really studies minus Joey & Jenny the two studious J's. Haha. It was so much fun just hanging out with people, chit chattin it up, playing games, etc. etc. And, what is a leaf?

4) Chill poli sci 3 gsi: I don't really like discussions much because I don't think they are very beneficial, I really much prefer the classes (usually upper divs) that don't require a separate hour or two for discussion. But my ps3 gsi is so chill she claims to keep our 2 hour discussions into 1. That is sweeeeet.

5) Jerry's place: I had to finally buy my books and my nutri sci book is the largest tome if I've ever seen one. But I didn't have to take the bus/walk home in the rain with them because Steven offered a ride and we all went to Jerry's place to just chill and kill time before large group. I finally re-watched Back to the Future for the first time since childhood and dang, that movie is so good! "I am your density. Density has brought us together" hehe.

6) Love Languages novel: It's really interesting, I've taken the test and I'm pretty sure I know which love languages i speak and receive best. But reading this book has been causing me to learn so much about myself...I'm even taking notes, how weird...taking notes, about myself.

7) Foolishly spreading: While tabling has been fun this past week in the sense that there is always someone on campus nearby to catch up with/talk to/eat with, there were a few times when I looked down Sproul, watching all the supposed busy and important berkeley students walk right on by. And I had to think, just who can we reach by sitting under a white hut with a sign that says LivingWater. But today, I was so humbled as I met a spring admit new to campus who came to our large group simply because of our table. There is meaning and purpose...

8) Tears: I've watched greys anatomy since junior yr in high school mostly with Joanna. And while I've put up with all the "why do you watch that show? watch house, it's the more qualified and legit medical show" and I am aware that the show has gone through bad seasons, there is a part of me that can't really let it go because I've been watching it since the beginning, I've seen how each character has grown and transformed (or not) through the seasons. Today I sat down on my bed and watched an episode and it made me cry, the way it used to when Meredith and Derek first fell in love and when Yang finally broke down and went to Meredith in tears. Susan and Sarah laugh at me...but I can't help it.

Things to be thankful for

1. Despite all the awkward gaps between all my classes, it forces me to take lots of time to read and be in solitude (yeah!). I hope it'll be good for me this semester...

2. I picked up The Last Lecture yesterday at the bookstore. My mom was reading it during winter break so I immediately called her to let her know I'm reading it too, it's interesting...reading alongside my mother. It's the last work of a 43-year-old computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. He wants to leave his young children a remnant to remember him by, so they would grow up knowing what kind of person their father was. Ask me in person for any more details...or just read it yourself!

3. Started learning hula. So difficult, my hips don't move the way they're supposed to :( But "Amazed" by Lincoln Brewster has been on my mind all day, Lord I'm amazed by You...

4. I began to complain a bit because this semester I'm taking a bunch of non-major related courses. But in the process I realized, I'm just thankful for being here. I am being taught by brilliant professors and being challenged on an academic and spiritual level. Thank You, for placing me just where I am, where I need to be.

5. That Hyunsoo offered to pick me up so I didn't have to take the bus after a really really long day. Even in the smallest ways, God is such an awesome provider.

6. That I got to hang out with Grace after our Korean class ended early, yay we got the very last 2 bagels in line and lots of just good talking time. She even walked me to work! :)

conversations between us

While I did not read the fanfic that so many of my friends were absolutely gushing over for the longest time, I couldn't come up with anything else for the title. I read somewhere that "the best things in life are not things" and it's so true, as obvious as it reads. And for me, I may have to say one of the best things are the conversations I am privileged to have with people around me. That moment of connection and clarity between two individuals, where time slips away and the rest is history.

--------------------------

At the end of each year I usually make a list of all the things I was thankful for during that year. But for some odd reason I couldn't get myself to do it December 2008. This year was really tough on so many levels. Emotionally, socially, academically, spiritually everything was challenged and shaken to the core. But as I've meditated and thought about this longer, I realize that that is the first step of being reshaped and molded, restored into the likeness of Him. And when I do think about it, there are so many things to still be thankful for because in the end, I did not deserve any of it. Only by grace, amazing grace.

1) Cambodia missions: Training, meeting my team, eating balot, watching all those John Piper sermons, Life University, being shown such unexpected and undeserving love from all my students, struggling to love them, not showering...for days and days, and in the end being shown how small I am and how great His kingdom is. Greater things are yet to come, that last day in Phnom Penh ahhh God is so good. Isaiah 26:8

2) Livingwater family: What a breath of fresh air. I remember coming home from church that first Sunday and feeling so refreshed but also so puzzled because it was so different from what I was used to at church. Freedom to live & worship, I learned so much from the series this past semester, each sermon felt like God was chipping at yet another part of my brokenness. And then all the beautiful people I met as God introduced us to each other, learning to love His people, family. Getting involved in ministries. I could go on.....

3) Job: God knew, and provided. Despite the complaints, I really really am so thankful for my job. My bosses are adorable and very pleasant. She gave me toe socks for Christmas! Being in the work environment is also teaching me patience, remembering that we are meant to be light in darkness. Even to the mean lady in the copy room and the kind of intimidating short lady who stares into my room all the time with the loud phone voice.

I am excited for 2009. A little scared, I will admit. But excited.

Square One

While my friends and I usually have the problem of frequenting the same places without much room for change, Susan and I decided to take a leap of faith and check out some new gems in the heart of Los Angeles. Yelp helped pave the way. For her last meal in the US of A we decided to check out Square One dining, a cutesy place in Hollywood with bright yellow walls and an outside patio that we regretted not checking out. I keep forgetting that I'm not longer in chilly norCal where outdoor seating in early January is a big nono. Anyway, the menus were really cute and they offer Breakfast all day and even some intriguing lunch dishes. As I usually have an odd attachment to smoked salmon from my younger days, I was eager to try their Cured Salmon sandwich dish. 

It was really yummy. They added these apple slices which proved to be oddly perfect balances to the onion. Of all the smoked salmon combinations I've tried, apples were a new addition and I was thoroughly satisfied. 

Susan decided to try a breakfast dish "for good balance" as she says. She tried a split dish with half pancake and french toast which our waitress recommended. While the 'bacon-enriched caramel sauce' seemed a bit intriguing, we decided to play it safe. Her french toast was smothered in banana and caramel sauce while the pancakes were topped with fruit and vanilla.

 

"I feel like such a fatty!" Portions were huge for a split dish. My personal favorite was the banana-caramel sauce with the french toast. Mmm good.

Service was also speedy and really pleasant. Definitely a place we'd come back to. All in all, square one was a success! Back to square one we'll go :) 

Square One Dining

4854 Fountain Ave. 

Los Angeles, CA 90029

I think it might have been my third grade ballet recital. It was also my first one, and I was very very nervous. Nervous may have even been understatement, as I could feel my knees shaking as I tried to sit in my seat. I knew my routine from start to finish as I had watched myself do it in the mirror for weeks following up to that day. But still I could feel the adrenaline rush from head to toe over and over again. My mom put red lipstick on me and I remember being so worried it was gonna get all over my face that I didn't even really talk to anyone. Then time came and I stood in line behind the curtain as the girl in front of me went out and did her routine. Then, it was my turn. I stepped out and started twirling, or whatever I was supposed to do. And then, I slipped and fell out of my routine. I stood stunned, I didn't know how to do it from the middle and I sure didn't know what to do in that situation. So I did what I thought was best at the age of 9. I went back to stage right and did it over again, I knew I could do it so I went back and tried again and that was that. The entire audience broke out in laughter, and to this day my parents still talk about it.I was just glad I did it. I look kinda sick and proud at the same time in the pictures from that recital.

And yes, the red lipstick got everywhere anyway.