I realize I like trees. Big trees, tall trees. All trees. I like flowers too but something about trees...

Crackberry

I joined the blackberry world today. So crazy, so many things to do, so many things to try out, a lot to get used to. 

Blackberry messenger is the coolest thing ever. 

Only thing is, now I get email notifications at least 3 times..for the same email. 

I hope I don't get too addicted to this piece of plastic. 

Flying back to Berkeley already, this break went by way too quick.

First day of break

My first day of break was so relaxing, just what I needed. I woke up at 12 by way of my mom who couldn't stand seeing me waste any more of the day, as expected. Started the morning reading and journaling, praying for a relaxing but productive day. What I thought was going to be a day just for me and my mom turned out to be a lunch date with my dad included as well. Goood Korean food never tasted so good and my mom's kimchi was bombdiggity. Then watched some Korean terebi while drinking tea and eating fruit (such Korean things to do) I smiled to myself just because I realized I could finally do this at home. Randomly I talked to both my halmunis on the phone too. Made the distance between all of us feel just a little bit smaller. Sometimes I wish we all just lived on one block together. My dad left for church to watch WBC with church ajushis and my mom stole me away saying "엄마랑 놀자~" which led to us just lying down together on her toasty 돌 침대 (literal translation: rock bed which is basically a rock that heats up) and talking, catching up on life, sharing prayer requests, and just laughing at ourselves. This is what I missed. This is what I needed.  Went shopping at Vons (so weird that it's not Safeway) Watched WBC.....my mom and I were home alone screaming at the top of our lungs at 9th inning. Even amidst screaming the thought of "we both don't even really understand baseball but it's still good that Corea caught up!" crossed my mind. Sigh. Home is so nice, break is so nice. I'm excited for what the rest of this week will bring :) 

I want figs and not leaves. I will not settle for the leaves when I know He's already set aside figs for my life. I will be patient for the figs.

It's not easy though, it's hard to let go of what you cover yourself up with. What gives you assurance, what gives you stability, what gives you peace of mind as temporary as it may be. What makes you look like you got it all together. As if you weren't a work in progress. As if you weren't still being restored.

Lots of things on my mind lately, trying to think it through made my head go crazy. I think too much, worry a lot. And in the midst of it I realize it needs to be brought before Him first. All of it, each of it. In prayer, in surrender, knowing that He is God and I am not.

spring is beautiful

Spring has arrived on noteonanapkin as well! Yayee. It's a Thursday night which pretty much means the weekend has come and the past week has already come to somewhat of an end. This week was pretty sucky, as I was bedridden (which is kind of an over exaggeration...since I didn't really stay in bed the whole time) but I was still sick. Usually my sicknesses aren't that bad and I can get over them within a day but this sucker decided to stick around for awhile thus resulting in five days of a sore throat, really bad headache, pain & tingles all over (in Korean we call this ssoo-shyuh-ing), and gunk trapped between my throat and nose 24/7. So....I turned into the biggest baby of a lifetime. I was home sick and pretty miserable. Jeff called me the jing jing princess (pff it wasn't even that~bad) and Jimmy was pretty humored by the idea that "even Rachel could turn into a big baby." But I've been spoiled and loved on like crazy by the people around me. Thanks to those who took care of me and checked up on me throughout the week....sorry if I was slightly annoying and just a little cranky :) All the jamba juice, dayquil, girl scout cookies, haribos, tissues (extra soft!), mucinex, smart water, lunchables, banana helped a bunch as well as all the prayers & "are you ok's" hehe.

I'm going home soon and I'm sosososo excited. Although my dad called today and informed me that I have to prove to his insurance company that I'm a full time student in order to stay under his healthcare now that I'm going to be 20 soon :( I feel old. But I'm so excited to be at home again. This spring break I want to relax relax relax, read, eat, watch movies, beach, soak in the sun, and forget about school. T-hee.

Sarah and I went on 2 random spontaneous dates this week, that makes me happy. We were studying at Unit 2 and out of nowhere she wants to go to Ici. (This is the night before my midterm, Ici's only open for 40 more minutes, and I'm still pretty sick) but despite all smarter judgments we decide to make a run for it. The buses came super quick both ways and the flavors were scrumptious! Most efficient ici run ever :) And then yesterday we decided to get Thai House since we were craving for some mango sticky rice....so fun. Spontaneity can be so fun sometimes.

"we need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature- trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence. we need silence to be able to touch souls."- mother theresa

When the spring time fully sets in I'm gonna have a picnic in the park next to my house.
And all I'm gonna do is be silent.

Stillness

In the stillness of my body my thoughts have been going rampant & crazy. In the absence of my actions and movement my mind has been thinking, too much. I wish it would all stop. It's all a little too much.

My ears are ringing, my head is beating, my body is aching, and still my head keeps thinking.

God of this city

It was our last night in Cambodia. After leaving Life University and Sihanoukville and driving the four hours back to Phnom Penh we headed to the Russian markets to get gifts for all our supporters. Dinner time came and we were all recommended to go to this restaurant that served shabu shabu in Cambodian style. It was going to be our last meal there, and Dara and Ezekiel's sister wanted to treat us. They were the most hospitable bunch of people we had ever met. Dinner time came and as I looked around our team I could tell we were all excited to go back home but still so sad that we would really be leaving Cambodia behind after a month of loving and being loved by God's people in that country. We returned back to the office and only had about an hour left before we would have to go to the airport. Suddenly every moment was fleeting and there wasn't enough time to do anything anymore. So our team got together to do the only thing we knew would be worth it. We sat in a circle, filled the entire guys room and started praying. We put all our anxiety, all our worries, all our concerns for Cambodia, we thought of all our students, the Bengtaproum kids, the Vot Beng kids and lifted it up in prayer. Then Robin, our co-leader, started singing God of this City. I still remember every single word he said "God is the God of this city, Phnom Penh, Sihanoukville, Cambodia and though we may leave, God will remain. Sing your praises out into the streets, lift it up to Him" and we really started singing. You could hear us from up and down the street. God of this City always brings me back to that exact moment. And though we all know Robin sings God of this City the best, I got to hear Chris Tomlin sing it 5 ft away from me yesterday :) Immediately I remembered that prayer, and I couldn't shake it. God is the God of that city, Cambodia, and Lord you are still working in Life University, in Bengtaproum, Vot Beng. You are the God of all your precious children, each and every one of them. You see your people who have fallen away and those that choose to chant and worship their muslim idols, Your heart burns for them. You see the 1% of the population that clings unto Your name dearly...You are their God. You are our Father. Thank You for always reminding me, I will never forget.

I think I like this style

For every one post that actually gets published on this blog, I have four to five drafts, unfinished words, just sitting there. I don't know why I always do that. But blogger saves all my unfinished drafts so I get to see them whenever I want. Sometimes I think "dang, what was I thinking when i wrote that???"

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Sometimes I just can't wait until I turn 21 so I can order wine at restaurants and have it with my dinner. Or just buy a bottle and open it to drink by myself while watching a movie wrapped up in my blanket with a fireplace in the livingroom...while it's raining outside. I've clearly imagined this way too much. But I can't wait to start my own wine collection. I've heard some parents buy a wine from the year their child was born and then open it at their child's wedding. My parents...probably don't have a bottle saved up for me, seeing as how my parents don't really drink. 1989 was a good year though. Perhaps my aunt & uncle thought ahead, since they're the ones who taught me all (the little) I know about wines so far.

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Pandora has become my new best friend! So much new music to listen to, so many old artists that aren't on my ipod for some reason, so many memories, so many thoughts. Music makes me think.....alot.

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Blockles has taken over now that midterms are over (and...even when I was studying for them, sort of) I can close my eyes and see the little pieces falling down. And the anxiety buildup that you get when people (ahem) keep attacking you with items. Man, that purple piece is so cruel...

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I love chatting with people while at work. They're so fun. Hehe, thanks everyone who keeps me company while I'm in this room with no windows :)

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The past 2 blog posts are so lame. Sorry, I keep starting one and then I'm never able to finish or publish them. Too many thoughts in my head, still trying to wrap my mind around them. Can't say them outloud just yet, things like that. For now, these will have to do.