waiting

I was walking to class while listening to my ipod today, as I do most days. I was just listening to Empire State of Mind by Jay Z ft. Alicia Keyes when suddenly "Stuff We Did" by Michael Giacchino from the UP soundtrack came up next. I usually like to have my itunes on shuffle bc I enjoy being surprised by the songs. But the switch of songs startled me, because I noticed I immediately started walking much slower. Isn't it funny how our mood, thoughts and even walking patterns are heavily influenced by what's entering our ears? That's why we have extra "work out playlists" and "study playlists" right? Because we are influenced by music and what we listen to when we are doing things. Work out playlists are usually your hip hop and pumped up songs, cue "Eye of the Tiger" whereas study music are usually slower and calmer, cue Yiruma. The soft piano playing calmed me down, and immediately I started having time to look around at what was in front of and around me.

Listening to the piano playing reminded me of when I played flute. There's always a lot of notes, but oftentimes the parts that are more important than the notes you played were the times you rested, and did not play anything. The rests, the silences were actually what made a song--it gives you rhythm. As an early beginner I struggled with the rests, I didn't get it. I just wanted to play my notes at all times. This led to me having rhythm issues for the greater part of my early flute playing years. But once I was preparing for my first big flute solo it all started to make sense. The first time I played with an accompanist I realized all the reasons for my rests. He was playing and filling in during the times I was resting. When my flute and his piano came together--the song was finally complete. In my moment of clarity there was reason for my resting, and reason for his resting. But of course, after that first rehearsal you have to go back and practice on your own again. And you still, of course, have to rest and stop. But this time you know why you are stopping and resting, you know why you don't play for six measures here and five measures there.

It made me think of this period in my walk where I'm in the desert. Walking, breathing, living dryness. Why? I don't understand. Until I came upon this one passage

"I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." -Hosea 2:14

It's like that moment when I first played my solo with the accompanist. It is starting to make more sense...my reason for resting, this waiting, this dryness, this desert. It is not without purpose, it is not to tease me or make me miserable. There is a purpose, Your hand is upon this.

thanksgiving 2k9

-first black friday shopping ever

• random "CALM DOWN"
• BCD for breakfast at 7 in the morning
• good deals, completely done within 2 hours max

-driving to irvine within mad traffic

• way too much K.Will album listening because I was too scared to look at my ipod while driving on the 5...so sick of that music now
• cambo 2k8's first annual thanksgiving dinner starting at 9 PM! We've discovered the key to getting our whole (most) of our team out at once. Meet LATE.
• bacon wrapped turkey.....o_O
• driving back within 45 minutes. No cars at 2 AM is the best.

-first turkeybowl ever!
-Spring Awakening Adventures

• random girl: "So, what is this play about anyway?"
• boy walking with her: "Lust, sex, growing up"
  
• me and sarah: "HAHAHAHAHAHAH. More inappropriate laughter."
  
• all in all, the acting and singing was pretty lame in comparison to what you'd expect from a musical. But for what it was, there were some pretty talented singers.
• Albertacos and the introduction of ray ray, suebear & foong shway.
  
• 15 minute frantic iphone google maps search for a nearby indoor place to play NERTZ.
• Denny's for nertz.
  
• foong shway is rejected by talented balloon makers.
• foong shwang and ray ray own at nertz.

-thanksgiving day with korean YA from church

• lots of random korean jokes that i didn't understand
• yoot noree! true korean style..
• cooking all day, too much 갈비찜 & hands that smell of garlic for three straight days

And that somewhat wraps up some of my thanksgiving break, minus the family details. Thought I'd try this format for once, don't think i'll ever do it again. Half of you guys probably don't understand what all of that was. Sorry! Till next time...

The airport

I usually fly from Oakland and land in Burbank airport because they are both more convenient but because of the ridiculously expensive plane tickets during Thanksgiving season I had to opt for SFO to LAX with Virgin Airlines.

Everything I've heard about Virgin Airlines is pretty true. It's the new "hip" airline. They use Pandora to play the latest music at the gate while you're waiting to board, the plane itself is just newer. It's lined with dimmed purple lights that make you feel like you're inside of a bar or lounge rather than an airplane. Oh and the safety protocol announcements are all animated and not the same word for word announcement. It was the first time I actually paid attention to the whole thing in a long time. Oh, and did I mention-- the stewards? (What is the male version of stewardess? Flight attendant?) are pretty much all males and quite sharp looking! Like in that lean, sharp, well-put-together type way. I was kind of a wreck because a) I thought I was gonna miss my flight b) the mean lady at the counter told me my check-in bag was going to be separated from me and placed on a later flight at which point I'd have to wait another 2 hours for that plane to come. When I explained to the steward..flight attendant, he assured me it would make it. And sure enough, my bag is here and so am I!

The airport is such an interesting place. The one part I do like about international airports is that one moment, when you're coming down an escalator and there's the gate--and you know behind that gate is someone waiting for you. They may not have your name typed up on a white piece of paper or anything but you know that they are there, because they are waiting for you to come. And when you come down the escalators, you slowly scan the crowd for the person who's waiting for you, because you are waiting for them too. I loved watching people run into others' arms. I say I like this particular gate at international airports because usually the case is that international airports mean that someone flew a longer distance to get to their destination. So when they do see that person waiting at the gate, when they do run into that person's arms, it's probably been awhile. It just seems to make that embrace even more meaningful.

Home is comforting, home is familiar. I'm so excited I get to sleep in my bed of 12 years tonight :)

I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.

-- from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

H1N1

Yesterday, my sister called me and said this:

"Our whole family just got H1N1 vaccine shots at the clinic. Umma got scared after she read in the korean newspaper that a Korean celebrity's son died of it recently. She wants you to get it too, and she says you better get the shot and not the nasal one, don't be a pansy." -Grace Lee, my lovely 17-year-old sister.

First, that is so typical of my mom.

Last, she knows me very well. I am a pansy when it comes to shots.

Want freedom?

It's 1 AM and you are just now verging on page 2 of your 8 page paper. It's going to be a long night. You decide to check facebook, just for any new notifications, and then that leads you to twitter. You wanna tweet about how long you'll be up, just so you can share in the suffering with your twitter friends. But then you see someone who linked up an article with an interesting title. And then an hour passes, crap. 2 AM. But...then...there's blogs to read. This is where Freedom steps in.

Freedom--the Mac app that turns off your computer's network ability altogether. So even if you click safari, it won't turn on. And even if you turn on your network preferences...I'm sorry. Close, but no cigar. You set it for however many hours you want starting from 10 minutes all the way to 8 hours. (I tried doing 5 minutes for a test run and was told to stop being so pansy about losing internet.)

Of course there is a way to get your internet back, it's as simple as restarting your computer. But hopefully closing all your apps and documents just to get distracted will be enough of a hassle to keep you focused just a bit longer. Self-control, people! It's part of the fruit of the spirit :D

http://macfreedom.com/

[edit] I edit this post to give a testimonial about my experience of using it for 90 minutes, this stuff really works, and it's legit!

music and Border's

I tried my hand at creating an online mixtape for you guys because I really really like these songs right now and wanted to share them. But I am apparently really computer illiterate beyond the few sites I daily use. Sigh, I like to think I'm not but I guess I am. Anyway if you're still interested...

The Show - Lenka

Anything I'm Not - Lenka

Come As You Are - Jaci Velasquez

If You Believe - Rachael Lampa

Always Be My Home - Rachael Lampa

They're not links, so I hope you didn't try to click them. I don't really know how to do the hyperlinking thing either. Listening to Jaci Velasquez brings back lots & lots of memories. As a kid my mom would only buy me the Christian WOW CDs because secular music was not good for me, she thought. Either that or buying the CDs weren't worth the money. So I grew up on people like Amy Grant, Jaci Velasquez, Steven Curtis Chapman, Paul Baloche, and some more... so imagine my adjustment to the social world when I didn't know anyone. NSync, what? Backstreet Boys who? There's music that's not Disney and not Christian?? For 4th grade I finally got my first Nsync album as a birthday gift from my friends, I listened to the whole album multiple times a day. Anyway! I digress. Yes, those are all songs that I've been listening to lately.

--

I studied at Border's yesterday. I love studying in bookstores, any time you get sick of reading for class you can just take a break and walk around the store sit on the floor and read something not related to school! I just started reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers and I can't put it down. I'll post about it in more detail once I finish it. As I was there yesterday the thought occurred to me, it must SUCK to be someone who has to pack up a bookstore. Like if you're closing down, and you have to pack all those books into boxes. Oh gosh, that's a lot of books and boxes...

Mary & Max

Max

Just watched this movie yesterday. If you've seen and liked Coraline, you'll like this one too. It's claymation, and while the effects and graphics (in my opinion) weren't quite as detailed or as well done as Coraline was, the story itself was extremely well thought-out. The thing about these movies I noticed, was that they are no movie made for children. In fact most of the themes raised include depression, self-acceptance, suicide and friendship.

The story is based on a true story, about an 8 year old girl named Mary Daisy Dinkle who is in search of a true friend, just someone whom she could talk to. With an alcoholic mother and an aloof father interested only in stuffing dead birds, Mary is left to her imagination, a sheet of stolen butcher paper, and a pencil. One day she decides to send a letter to someone she's selected at random in the yellow pages. By fate she selects Max Horowitz of New York--an obese, lonely 40 something man who's life goals include a life supply of chocolate bars, a full collection of his favorite TV show dolls, and one true friend. So when a strange envelope postmarked in a child's handwriting finds its way to Max's mailbox, he responds with his own life story neatly type-written on 3 pages and soon an 18 year-long pen pal friendship forms. Mary's innocent and inquisitive questions force Max to take a look at his own life while Max helps Mary accept herself when no one else had.

It's really a beautiful story, the ups & downs of their friendship. Something about writing to someone you've only met through their words...it opens them up to a world of vulnerability and genuine truth. The movie delineates love, self-worth, forgiveness, and the value of being able to confide in another individual, all wrapped up in comedic one-liners and scenes that'll keep you thinking all the way home.

I remember why

mymilktoof

Today I interviewed Inhae of mymilktoof. It was my first interview in a really long time--probably at least two years. After I stepped out of the cafe I remembered again why I fell in love with journalism. Day Seized.

***

Oh, I just discovered "EGO" by Beyonce & Kanye West -- sooooo good!

And Ingrid Michaelson and Lenka.

yay! I love new music in my iTunes library....

***

cookie monster is on google today!

don't worry, be happy

Today I was walking out of class when a girl walked in front of me. On the front of her jansport it said:

Don't worry, Be happy :)

My dad used to say that to me before he dropped me off at school. Don't worry, be happy.

how are you doing?

When you ask someone "How are you doing?" Do you really expect a detailed answer? Do you really want to know? Or are you already half way there to your next destination as they are answering? Why then, do you even ask?

Today my old coachee came up to me and asked "Unny, how are you doing?" I was just about to say "oh I had a tough week but it's getting better." I half expected her to just say oh really? and move on to the next topic of conversation. But her look said otherwise.

It stayed with me, that look on her face. Her desire to know more. The look that said "oh, good." was not gonna cut it. And I thought to myself, how many times do I genuinely want to know? How many times am I willing to genuinely know and ask how others are doing. Because I care how they are doing, because it matters to me, because they matter to me. Because that is what friendship means--to know how my sister/brother is doing, to know their needs, the matters of their heart. So it's going to take a little more than a passing conversation while standing in line at the fellowship food line. It's going to take a bit longer than a facebook comment.

I'm not going to ask unless I can give them my attention and time to really listen. No more half-assing the how are you's. (excuse the language)