margins in life

Joey told me that just as cars on a highway need margins from each other, humans need margins in their schedule between commitments in order to survive. Lanes on a freeway aren't just big enough so a car can barely fit through. No, the lanes are much bigger so that the car has room to swerve a little, move a little, and hopefully be safe from other cars' movements. I thought the analogy was quite clever. I used to be so apt to place my commitments (classes, work hours, volunteering, smallgroup, lunch dates, date dates, church stuff) all back to back. I thought any time in between would be time wasted. I still catch myself doing that sometimes but I have been trying to know how to block off some time here and there. It can be as simple as 30 minutes or an hour but these times are down times--chances for me to just relax and take a breather. These times are not wasted, they are rather necessary for me to keep my cool.

Meet Liju!

Meet Liju! I adopted him as my Compassion child today. It's been a long time coming to this decision. Money and finances has always been a tough spot for me because it's always so easy for me to be selfish with it. Liju is from India! I hope we can be pen pals soon...










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Last Friday I went to a charter school in Oakland for a project in one of my education classes. We had to give a short 25 minute presentation and pretty much, we got gg pwned by the students. I felt so helpless and really all I was thinking the whole time was "am I really cut out for this, someone help me...students have mercy on me! I'm cool I promise!" What am I doing...

Lately I've been drinking way too much coffee, I'm scared I might be getting addicted to it. Before espressos would be too strong for me to drink and now I'm drinking two at a time. This can be dangerous, it's not even finals season yet.

I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with my summer. Considering how much I enjoy/love/need control, this is very scary for me to deal with. God, I'm putting my faith and trust in you so I really hope you know what you're doing because I don't. My pastor likes to joke around with me and say "enjoy the ride Rachel, are you enjoying the ride?" It's one of those jokes where he really means it truthfully but he's going to pass it off as a joke. He says there are some kids who are in the car and constantly ask their parents ARE WE THERE YET ARE WE THERE YET and then there are others who just fall asleep, enjoy the scenery, or get sucked into their gameboy/tv show. Needless to say, he meant I was the first sort. Rachel, enjoy the ride...

paper writing

I'm at Caffe La Scala, where I find I get the most efficient studying/paper writing done. In front of me is an older couple--reading their own novels and sipping on their own coffees, sharing a pastry together. Every now and then they'll talk to each other, telling them about the story they're reading or any other thought that crosses their mind. I look at them, as I sneak peeks above my computer screen, wishing and hoping for that day to come for me one day.

dear future husband, lets go to cafes and sip coffee and read books in the future! :D

sigh....for now I'll just get back to my paper.

Ugly Betty

One of my favorite tv shows came to a series end today. It lasted four years. I remember when I first started getting into it senior year in high school. It was about a smart but "ugly" girl from Queens getting a job as assistant to the editor at a high fashion magazine, needless to say I was hooked. Over the four years, it's almost funny how much allegiance I gave to this tv show. Through it's good seasons, through it's rather unusually and over the top dramatic seasons, I never skipped one episode. I loved the rather cheesy humor, I loved watching the way each character's story was developed, often drawn out over and over but nevertheless developed. It's weird now that it's all wrapped up and over. From ugly to beautiful but still always true to herself, I'll miss Ugly Betty!

요세 마음이 너무 아프다...

lovely week

I had the most lovely week ever. Filled with

• afternoon cheeseboard excursion
• ici
• late night nude sushi
  
• lots of nertz playing
• lots of talking and fun conversations
• cherry blossom festival
• too much walking
• sf shopping
  
• rude experience at macaron store
• lots of google maps on my blackberry
• lots of walking in random new streets of san francisco
• columbine talks
• dottie's true blue restaurant and having the best brunch evar
• 3 bart trips to sf in 4 days
  
• first kollaboration sf

Update with pictures to come. All in all, what I've learned this week -- conversations with your closest girl friends are the best. With Susan in town, it truly felt like spring break pt. 2. Even as we were eating and nertzing on the floor of our very own apartment, it felt like we were somewhere far far away....

wishes

I don't know if this is strictly Korean so I will refrain from ignorantly saying that it is..but growing up it was a huge phase for girls to buy tons of tiny strips of colorful shiny paper and wrap, tie, and puff them into small stars. Somewhere in the movies or in the old telltale stories we learned that our deepest wishes would come true if we could fill a jar full of them or make 1000 stars. The more talented girls would go on to make more things such as cranes but origami was never a strength of mine. So I stuck to these stars. I told myself it was silly to expect a wish to come true just because I folded some pieces of paper. Even as a child I had difficulty putting my hope in something that didn't seem plausible. Thus fairy tales and fantasy genres don't sit well with me (Harry Potter, for example). But now as a full grown adult (as I'd like to think) I wish it was easy as a jar full of paper stars to make my deepest hopes and dreams come true...