notes on a napkin

Oh no...

2011-06-10T22:13:00.000-07:00

My throat feels like it's on fire.

My nose runs every 5 minutes.

I would get sick right before a plane ride.

2011-05-24T20:01:00.001-07:00

18 days.

Home is comforting.

2011-05-10T14:22:00.001-07:00

Because really, I don't want to feel caved in.

Or feel eroded from the inside out.

I want to feel full, abounding, overflowing.

For some reason, all I want to do is sleep.

My body feels so weary, so tired.

And it doesn't make sense, really

The sun is out and the skies are clear

and yet I feel so weary.

I think I just want to curl up and sleep for a few hours

Finish this book I'm reading, start the next

Watch a bunch of movies

or finish How I Met Your Mother, all 6 seasons of it

and sip on a cup of black coffee all the while.

2011-04-03T00:03:00.001-07:00

아니면 아니야 이민영

2011-03-07T23:12:00.001-08:00

This scares me, more than anything.

And all this time, I'd forgotten how much it does.

2011-03-05T19:53:00.000-08:00

It's raining in the most peculiar way in Berkeley today. It's falling like it's not falling. The fresh smell that rain brings was everywhere in the air, that smell that only happens when the earth is wet, when the pavement turns a shade or two darker, when only the tip of your nose gets wet.

Why can't it always rain like this.

notes

2011-01-27T17:38:00.000-08:00

dear text edit,

thank you for not being so pretentious as to squiggly line me when i just need to word vomit. oh, on that note, thanks for knowing when to go ahead and just correct my spelling errors.

dear girl on the bus that i don't really know,

couldn't you tell the boy sitting across us had a major crush on you. he was pursing his lips the whole time waiting to strike a conversation with you. and then you just left. and i was left with the pleasure of watching his cutesadness for two whole more stops.

dear musical offering cafe,

you are dangerous to my wallet. i must be careful to walk at least 2 miles away and around from you. chicken on focaccia sandwich....why must you be so simply delicious.

dear creative writing 130,

i'm so glad i am finishing my last undergraduate semester with you. you are the salmon sushi i keep on the edge of my plate all dinner to finish off with.

dear memory,

please don't fail me. i really do mean to get right back into finishing the rest of lost season 2 as soon as i catch a breath.

dear ira glass,

please be my friend. you are cool.

2011-01-26T23:52:00.001-08:00

It was at a restaurant that most guys don't want to enter. "It's too girly, it's only a date place" many would protest. Today, we sat outside to enjoy the random passersby and this unusually warm January weather. I looked to my right to find a mother and son who looked like he couldn't be any older than eight. The mom faced her son, and to her left sat a worn, tattered copy of the paperback version of The Divine Confessions of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Directly across from her, her son had his copy of some sort of dragon book. I couldn't help but secretly steal my glances at the both of them throughout our (and their) dinner. It was one of those moments that make you smile before your conscience has the time to remind you that you probably look extremely sketchy staring with a stupid grin at someone else's dinner table. I know she paid at the end of the dinner, but I couldn't help but want to think that he was such a sweetheart for taking his mom out to dinner tonight. Them and their books.

2011-01-23T02:57:00.001-08:00

"Wherever you are, be all there" - Jim Elliot

So, I'm staying on blogspot

2011-01-08T11:25:00.000-08:00

To address the whole "bye folks see ya on tumblr" post -- The bottom line is, ever since then I haven't been able to blog anything period. So I'm just going to stick with what I know and stay where I've been. That's all.

I've sort of gotten into a nerdy/tech bubble as of late. I was watching Kevin Rose's interview with the inventor of Twitter, Jack Dorsey the other day and he said a very interesting thing about leadership and leaders as editors of the team, cutting and pasting as they see fit. Since then, the idea of "cutting and editing" has been on my mind. And I have been thinking about what cutting/editing may need to happen in 2011.

(btw - the interview is really interesting, especially for anyone interested in entrepreneurship, and anyone who loves San Francisco -- I highly recommend!)

Things that perhaps need editing:

The amount of past class readers I still have lying around because I somehow feel they will be useful for me in the future.
People on my buddy list I don't talk to anymore slash only have on there because they post good songs as their status update {woops did I just say that out loud}
The number of times I buy coffee per week...
This one is really difficult but, tv shows? possibly? Currently watching: Modern Family, HIMYM, BBT, Glee, Chuck, Greys. 5 is a nice and round number so I should probably axe one at some point...
The songs I have on my iTunes. I remember when the concept of having 1,000 songs even boggled my mind. How can one person really listen to all 1,000 songs? I know I have some really embarrassing songs on there (Cue The Ping Pong Song by Enrique Iglesias, I don't even know why I still have that on there...)

What can you edit?

Year lookback, and wrap up

2010-12-26T23:54:00.000-08:00

It has been an amazing year.

In the new year, I will be moving on here in an attempt to make my life simpler.

Please join me if you'd like!

2010-12-10T20:58:00.000-08:00

2010-12-10T16:10:00.001-08:00

이상하다

언제 부턴가

왼쪽 눈에서만 눈물이 흐르고

왼쪽 코에서만 콧물이 흐른다

이해 할수가 없다

어떤 날은 이런 내 모습이 웃겨서 웃을 수 밖에 없지만

오늘 같은 날은 왠지 슬프다

나도 모르게, 눈물이 흐른다는게,

울고 싶지도 않은데, 아프고 싶지도 않은데

내 눈에선 눈물이 흐른다는게

오늘 나를 슬프게 만든다

2010-12-09T00:51:00.000-08:00

Tumblr fail

2010-12-08T10:41:00.000-08:00

Tumblr has been quite the epic fail as of late. Blogspot ftw, haha. Perhaps it's just a testament to how many more people are using tumblr over blogspot nowadays. It's all the college students procrastinating on their finals and turning to tumblr I tell ya. Wait, myself included....

I forgot what it was like to receive a gift. I love them no doubt, because who doesn't, but I have developed a tendency to get myself whatever it is that I want/need at the time without waiting. Partially because I am impatient, but partially because I just see it easier that way. None of that hinting, waiting, anticipating. But last week our church had a secret santa gift exchange and I was pleasantly surprised by what I received. I asked for a water bottle (8 cups a day people), and I got such a practical, light, functional water bottle it makes me so happy. It's been especially nice since it's one of the few things they'll let us sneak into the library, muhehe. I forgot that when you receive something as a gift it has the added layer of appreciation because someone chose it for you, someone took the time to get it and bring it to you. I forgot that it's not just a waterbottle but a reminder of their thought for you -- even if it was a secret santa gift exchange.

And then I remember, that You thought I was worth it to come down to this earth for. And then I remember about Your ultimate gift for me, and I'm floored once again. Thank You!

My waterbottle and I are off to the library now...

2010-12-08T01:57:00.000-08:00

YOU are the strength of my heart

El Ateneo

2010-12-07T10:28:00.000-08:00

El Ateneo in Buenos Aires, Argentina

An opera house-turned bookstore--the idea is quite splendid (not to mention grand). I hope I can spend an entire day in here someday...

Powering Off

2010-12-06T01:46:00.000-08:00

It's recently occurred to me, just how much I don't turn things off, ever. Including myself. After a 15 minute battle with my computer in all of its slowness, I finally gave in and restarted it. I tend to not turn it off before I go to sleep because, well, it takes those extra 2 minutes to restart it the next day. I also almost forgot how to turn my ipod off because...I never do. Don't even get me started on how many times we need to restart our internet router, that thing just doesn't work period. And who remembers the last time they turned off their phone before they went to sleep? I think it was 2006 for me. Why I know that? I don't know. And it reflects back to how I use these gadgets too, I'm constantly there and never log out of anything because I know I'll be back soon and very soon. And unfortunately, even as I'm sitting here (trying to be) studying for finals, one foot is in facebook and the other on gchat as I so adeptly avoid the tab with my Astronomy webcast. Nothing ever gets completely turned off, but when we don't, as we learn from our computers, phones and ipods...you run into trouble. There comes a point where you can't take it anymore, you freeze, make whirring helicopter noises (hi shwang! haha), or just stop functioning altogether. Note to self: turn everything off now and then. Before the helicopter starts.

3 superficial randoms

2010-11-17T23:39:00.001-08:00

1. I just found out that Jonathan Safran Foer is married to Nicole Krauss. I just discovered Nicole Krauss, but I'm loving the way The History of Love is written. Jonathan Safran Foer is one of my favorite authors. To know that the two are married makes me so happy inside. It's like when Susan tries to celebrity matchmake couples but this couple is actually REAL. Happy smile.

2. I realized, I really like when a guy can pull of wearing glasses. I hope my future husband wears glasses :)

3. Watches may just be my favorite accessory of the moment. My latest hobby: looking around to see what kind of watches people are wearing. In a world where everyone relies on their cellphone or ipod for the time, it's nice when you run into another person who wears a watch as more than just a fashion statement.

This was a really superficial post, I guess. It's just the 3 top things on my mind right now.

Calloused

2010-11-17T00:51:00.000-08:00

During this past week I was gone, I didn't have the chance to play or touch a guitar at all. Instead, I started noticing the callouses that formed on the tips of my left hand fingers. They are small, and probably still just the very beginning of what most guitar players form. But to me it's so fascinating, sometimes I find myself touching the tips of my fingers together just for fun while waiting in line or, in this case, writing a post. Because it feels different. It's hardened and calloused. And it makes me realize how adaptive our bodies really are. It strikes me because I only just started playing and already the tips of my fingers have adapted their own kind of...defense mechanism. To protect and shield itself. To keep it from being hurt again. In many ways, it's not just my finger tips that have grown calloused....

2010-11-10T08:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was one of those days I just don't want to forget....for a long time.

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near" Hebrews 10:24-25

What I've been mulling on but haven't had the chance to really write about: God's power and the magnitude of that power and how it puts everything else in its place. You are good, you are good when there's nothing good in me you are love on display for all to see.

You are worthy of all my affection.

사랑합니다

2010-11-08T01:33:00.000-08:00

나의 예수님....

주님 말씀하시면

내가 나아 가리다

주님 뜻이 아니면

내가 멈춰 서리다

내가 가고 서는 곳

오직 주께 있으니

주님... 나를 이끄소서

I want to play everything on the keytar now.

I only know four chords {for now}

Plus, I have my final midterm tomorrow. After a month and a half of midterms every (almost) week.

But I haven't been this excited to learn something/do something new in a very. long. time.

And it makes my fingers feel like there's life in them.

And every time my left hand fingers touch something and I get that sort of stinging jolt of feeling, numbed by the places I've held down the guitar strings for too long...I smile inside.

I have 108 unread posts in google reader, ahh that bolded Unread (108) makes me feel uneasy!

Reminder: don't get stressed by stupid things. duh. simple.

goodnight world, this is what happens when i decide to blog at (nearly) 2am.

my soul sings

2010-11-02T00:22:00.000-07:00

turn your eyes

upon Jesus

look full in His wonderful face

and the things of earth

will grow strangely dim

in the light of His glory and grace

my soul sings

how i love you

porch

2010-10-31T20:25:00.000-07:00

One thing I really like about homes on the east coast/country ish areas is the porches we used to have. On a lazy Sunday night like today, I'd want nothing more than to sit out on a swinging bench on my porch with a warm mug of apple cider and a nice book in hand or friend to share stories with.

This week was tough. Hopefully this next week will be better. I'm prayin.

2010-10-26T02:34:00.000-07:00

힘내야지

너무나도 숨고 싶지만

돌아서서 힘 부터 내야지...

Things I used to do and now, don't

2010-10-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

1. I used to turn my cellphone off at night before I went to sleep. Now it doesn't get turned off unless my phone decides it's going to stop getting internet connection. I can't even imagine turning my phone off throughout the night. I check it first thing in the morning, to check if I have any emergency emails to read/reply back to.

2. I used to never pay attention to gas prices. They were simply irrelevant to me when I'd be in the bay area but now, any time I'm walking by, or driving by a gas station I need to scope out the prices because no matter what people say, 10 cents per gallon makes a difference in the long run. Plus, it puts my mind at ease when I know I found (one of) the cheapest gas stations within a 5 mile radius.

3. (I guess this is the opposite of what this list is about) I used to never go on facebook chat. I feel like people you'd rather not talk to can IM you through facebook chat, and I don't like it. Because if you did talk to them, they'd be on your gchat/aim buddy list right? But now my sister only goes on fb chat and so I don't have a choice. But sometimes, FB chat serves as a good means to connect with the distant friend you haven't talked to in awhile. I still don't know if the pros outweigh the cons on this one.

4. I used to think I was completely dependent on my phone, now I feel like I've been proven otherwise. It's common to hear people say "I feel naked without my phone" which is interesting to think that people feel they can hide behind their cell phone devices. I left my phone at home in socal this past weekend, and it's been an interesting 3 days without it thus far. It's weird when I don't have text messages as a mean to say random things to ppl throughout the day, but otherwise I've found it rather surprising how much I don't feel like I need a phone. My mom still somehow finds a way to reach me via Nina's phone, or through sporadic emails throughout the day. The only real predicament I found myself in was when my boss asked me to call her this morning. I tried google phone, and after leaving a nice 2 minute msg I got a "call failed due to network problems" error msg. Google, you're amazing but you're not perfect. So now I'm thinking...do I use my phone more as a means to text or as a means to call?

The (slightly) OCD part of me wishes I could come up with another one so I could have a nice round list of 5 rather than 4 but, there is studying that must be done. So 4 it is!

from brontosaurus to africa

2010-10-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago I burned my hand while putting taquitos into the oven. But the battle scar I earned from it made it look as though I had been saving a burning tray of enchiladas from the oven. That's not the point. But as I've been walking around with this very visible and at first, physically pulsing reminder of a battle wound, I've learned lots and lots of lessons that I would like to share with all of you, my readers :)

As soon as the burn happens run it under mildly cold/warm water, STAT. Don't run it under hot water because well, you know. Keep it there for 15 minutes.
Depending on how bad it is, ice it. But if you do ice it, make sure there isn't direct contact between the ice and your skin.
Don't keep the ice pack on it forever, that will render the ice packing useless. Ice it for 10 mins, leave it off, and then ice it again.
As soon as you take it off from the ice pack it will hurt. It will feel like your burn spot has a heartbeat of its own. That is normal, do not freak out. Pray instead.
Pray that it will not blister, p.David and Mike prayed for me and I truly believe that is why I didn't get a fat white nasty blister on my hand.
Scar cream may help, I used it but the stuff is not cheap.
Keep the area out of sunlight if at all possible, and most importantly keep it hydrated!
As I was sitting at connect dinner with this rather provocatively massive makeshift ice pack on my hand, a lot of people were asking what the heck had happened. In the midst of their kind worries, Ju says "it's okay don't worry you'll just get new skin" as he went back to eating his drumstick. At first I was {mildly} irked by his nonchalant response. "sheesh, just cus it ain't yo hand bro" was running through my mind...haha. But in the end THAT is what stuck with me. And guess what! I DO have new skin growing...there is restoration happening on my hand, as we speak. That is pretty awesome. The old has gone, the new has come (2 Cor 5:17!) Thank you Jesus for being a God of restoration and regeneration.
When I first showed my freshly new battle scar to Kat Mak she said it looked like a brontosaurus. Now...don't you think it sort of looks like Africa? :) I grayscaled the photo so it wouldn't look so gross as it is scabbing over {you're welcome}

Thank you to all who've been part of this learning experience with me! I greatly greatly appreciate it, and I hope these tidbits of knowledge will be helpful for any of you who end up saving a burning tray of enchiladas from your oven someday :) Cus you know, that's what I did.

Relentless

2010-10-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

I realize I've been posting a lot of videos as of late, I hope you guys are enjoying them somewhat! Thanks to Pandora, I finally just discovered The Script through this song. But rather than thinking of how romantic the words are, it all just kept pointing me back to God. The words are sweet, he talks about how he will choose to remain in the same spot in hopes for the day that the woman he loves comes back to find him. The words are romantic, they are selflessly desperate. But in my own experience, I know that it's only possible in a music video...in a song. I don't know any man who truly can't be, won't be moved. Except for one. I think of the parable of the prodigal son, and I think the father probably sang a song that sounded similar to this one as he kept his post eagerly waiting. I imagine people who probably tried to convince him otherwise, the older brother probably tried once or twice. I think of God and who he's been in my own life and how he's pursued me, unmoved by my rejection, unswayed by the meditations of my heart and the things I have done. So that's what I think of when I play this song on repeat. I think of Him, and I think relentless.

Midterm seasons: Lots of random urges to blog

2010-10-05T12:17:00.001-07:00

I remember visiting my aunt's house as a kid. She would often play classical music from her speakers and fill the entire house with this music as she'd work, clean, or just lounge and read. Her house had these high ceilings and long hallways and any time she'd play her speakers the music would drift through every room. I remember thinking even as a younger girl, that that was something I hoped to add to my own future lifestyle.

Sometimes I wish I had the diligence and drive to play the cello instead of the flute. It's such a full instrument, I love the richness of its sound, it makes me feel hollowed out and full to the brim; all at the same time (please, excuse the rather cheesy photos of yoyoma posing with his cello in the video clip. It was the best I could find)

lets do some math!

2010-10-05T00:15:00.001-07:00

realizing there are 5 chapters to read before 8am class + 11pm after prayer/hanging out =screwed

jeremy messersmith + lots of new music in recently added playlist = happy happy

lost in walgreens + bandaid falling off wound = helpless, noticing glances of creeped out strangers

brand new soap in bathroom = lots of {unnecessary} washing hands just to whiff it again

lots of natural sunlight + empty cafe except for the old couple on a date = delightful discovery

surprise macaron on my desk + long day at church = thank you jjjune!

3 hr time difference + video chat with sister=rare, but so precious

sarah in france + rare opportunity to video chat = exception to my pet peeve of rudely loud conversations in public spaces....oops :\

effort to be healthy + homemade avocado, cilantro, tomato, pastrami, lettuce sandwich = hungry again in 2 hours = fail

desire to leave + abu dhabi in a month = antsy antsy antsy

finding a song that describes exactly how you feel/think at the moment = sigh of relief

Jeremy Messersmith

2010-10-04T01:20:00.000-07:00

I thought I would post this onto my blog just so I can remember (in the future) the funny coincidences surrounding it, and its timing, and so I can smile (once again, in the future.)

The cello calms me.

ps: hi grace :) i know you'll like this!

Life is Not a Snapshot

2010-09-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

dear SMN,

you are so sweet to call and check up on me with your busy schedule. i hope i will be as humble and loving as you someday

dear freesias and irises,

you didn't last long but it was nice while you were here. thank you for smelling beautifully each morning at our dining table

dear black coffee from strada,

thank you for keeping me wide awake during my 8 am classes. would not be possible without you.

dear chuck season 4 ep 2,

thank you for being sooo much better than season4ep1. i am so excited for this season!

dear josh wilson,

thank you for this song

dear esv,

get here soon! i am impatient....how long does it take to travel from sacramento to berkeley?

dear espana,

just wait a little longer for me....i will be there soon!

2010-09-25T02:49:00.000-07:00

Almost convinced myself to drive to campus yesterday. In my defense, the building is a 20 min walk vs. 3 min drive. I ended up walking.

I dressed up like I was going to go to the gym and walked in my new running shoes to class instead. Just because those are wayyyy more comfortable.

Sometimes, I think i like a well made burger and beer more than anything else. and then i snap myself out of being a dude. But what can I say, a well made burger hits the spot so many times.

extremely loud & incredibly close THE MOVIE is expected to release in 2012, wowza.

I am thisss close to driving home for a weekend. I'm scared my mom will find out halfway with her mom-senses and make me turn back around at Bakersfield.

A stranger folded my clothes out of the dryer and placed them neatly in a stack on top of the dryer last night. I wasn't sure to feel blessed or creeped out. Thank you..God?

Psalm 119 is EPIC. I can't go ten verses without thinking about a Hillsong song.

freesias and free irises

2010-09-21T16:13:00.000-07:00

Over the past few years, I've come to find things to do for myself in face of a bad day. They've become small parts of my day where I do things for myself simply because. One of them is to get flowers for myself. {Don't. you. judge.} After the gym (which in itself, is something new) I stopped by Moe's flowers to see what he had in store. Ever since freshman year, Moe's has been the only store I've gotten flowers from - I tend to develop these sometimes illogical but strongly loyal relationships with certain stores/vendors because I am a creature of habit, and I'd rather it be no other way. I go in and ask for peonies to which he laughs in amusement (-.- is my reaction.) "You Cal students are so smart but you know nothing about flowers." Yay us. Apparently peonies are mainly in season in April-May and they wouldn't last long if you got them out of season. So instead I opt for the freesias because of a middle school affinity I have to my Bath & Body Works Freesia lotion which they sadly discontinued. More than anything, they smell heavenly. After about a 10 minute conversation about freesias, he added a bunch of irises for free! He also promised me a 50% discount come this Spring for when the peonies do come back. Yayy. Freesias make me smile, free irises are even better.

Guilty Pleasure: Brita

2010-09-19T19:01:00.001-07:00

My roommates and I share a Brita filter. I personally really like it because I love drinking cold water. It's the way I think water should be drunk. (Why does that sound so grammatically incorrect?) Anyway, I love filling the brita filter with more water. I don't know why but it is so therapeutic for me as I fill it, and watch the water slowly fill the pitcher. The little black thingies that float around kind of gross me out so I prefer not to peer into the filter, I watch the water slowly but surely rise. It makes me feel full knowing that there's a full Brita pitcher in the fridge :] I need to let the little things in life give me joy, life's too hard when you can't find joy in the small things.

Second one: I like reading a lot of peoples blogs/tumblrs. Sometimes, I like reading them even if I don't know the person too well. If I am drawn to their writing styles I'll subscribe anyway and follow along.

Speaking of soothing... one of my favorite songs on her new album:

Closet: way of learning

2010-09-17T01:47:00.000-07:00

I use youtube to learn how to do a lot of things.

There I said it.

Maybe it's because I'm the first child and I didn't have too many people I thought I could ask on how to do certain things. Or maybe it's because I'm too prideful to ask sometimes. (darn you, pride) But I would often resort to Youtube to learn how to do lots of things I was unsure of. One time, Sarah walked in on me learning how to cook spaghetti on youtube. That was embarrassing. I just really wasn't sure what to do with the sauce--cook or no cook. Sigh. Recently, I turned to youtube to learn how to floss properly. And that one I'm not as embarrassed about (honestly) because I learned how to do it the right way and it's been really helpful. Plus, I've been able to educate others around me on how to floss efficiently and in the most...hygienic way possible.

Am I the only weird one who does that?

2010-09-11T01:35:00.000-07:00

How much more constant, how much more true, how much more whole.

are You

Whom have I in heaven but You

Earth has nothing i desire besides you

lately, i like

2010-09-09T10:06:00.001-07:00

amazon prime

if you are a college student with a working .edu email address, get on it! they are offering a year subscription to amazon prime for free, and it's really worth it. i've been using it sooo much within the past month to buy books and you end up saving lots of money because 2-day shipping is free. if that's not awesome, then i don't know what is.

guernsey literary & potato peel pie society

i still need to get through more of the book to more clearly write why i truly like this book but for now, all i know is that it's beautifully written. there are so many lines that make me just sit there in amazement at the beauty of the way those words are stringed together so seamlessly, and so beautifully. it also makes me laugh because the romance in it is so cute.

magical rice in the rice maker

it's amazing, there's always new rice in the rice maker in this apartment! it's quite convenient...just when you think all the rice would be gone, there's more! makes prepping dinner at least 30 minutes shorter. thank you roommates :D

la times

lately, i've confirmed my opinion that i much prefer the latimes website>ny times website. it's much more easier to navigate through, there's less clutter, columns, and tiny headlines. i understand the legitimacy and prestige of the ny times but their website is just....too much. nevertheless, the timescast videos they upload on the nytimes website is still a guilty pleasure of my nerdy journalism loving side.

crisp weather

two days ago i was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and rainbows and today i'm wrapped up in my northface jacket with boots on. ahh berkeley weather, welcome back.

Honest Confession

2010-09-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I keep people on my buddy list [even though I don't really talk to them a lot] because I like the songs they put up on their status. It's one of the ways I discover a lot of good music.

leon the professional

2010-09-06T01:09:00.000-07:00

I have terrible memory when it comes to...a lot of things. I can watch a movie and easily not be able to tell you what specifically happened in it a month later. However, after I watched Leon the Professional with Jean Reno and Natalie Portman, when I was around 14, I couldn't shake the fact that it was a wonderful work. I didn't know anything about cinematography, I did not know much about how famous Natalie Portman became from that first role of hers, and I definitely was too young to know that those round wired glasses and potted houseplant would be so highly referenced in many subsequent movies/parodies. All I knew, was that the movie was STRONG (for lack of a better word, ha.) It was gory, but it was just gory enough to leave an impression. It was sad, sad beyond the expression of tears. It was witty, but not as witty as it was the second time I watched it. It invoked so many emotions in me, which is why I remember it so clearly. I can honestly say that I don't think I have watched another movie since that has invoked just as many emotions from me.

Running around in my dreams

2010-09-04T10:38:00.000-07:00

Random encounters

2010-09-01T17:18:00.000-07:00

Today was a rather good day simply because of the random encounters I had and the conversations that I shared with these people. I trekked 20 minutes all the way across campus for a discussion section that I forgot was not meeting today. Fortunately though, I wasn't the only one who had forgotten this crucial detail and I met a 3rd year who was trying to get into the class. I always am pleasantly surprised when people try to start a conversation with me (except if they're a creepy psycho weirdo and it's very apparent upon the first moment I meet them) because as outgoing as I like to think I am, it actually takes a lot for me to start that first conversation for no other reason than "just because." We ended up talking for a little while, and it wasn't really anything too special but it was just nice that a new acquaintance came out of my forgetfulness and that 20 minute trek in the sun.

Then the second pleasant acquaintance encounter happened in the computer lab where I was printing my reading for my urban ed class. The guy sitting next to my computer stopped me to ask about the article, letting me know that his research is mostly based on the ratio relationship between the incarcerated and those with high school diplomas. I was genuinely glad that I could accidentally help him and his research and that I am once again reminded in these small but significant ways that there is such a need for experienced and skilled educators.

These kinds of days make me happy.

In other news, I got my first football t-shirt. It says This is Cal Football. How exciting weeeee. Here we go bears!

ikea

2010-08-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

Ikea is one of my favorite places. I got a plate of swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes and lingon berries (sp?) for $2.50 because I happened to go during happy hour.

Everything I bought was under $20 (2 clocks, 1 closet organizer, 1 candle, 1 trashcan)

It's spacious. And cool.

There's a lot of places to sit (I am getting old, and also more sedentary. AHHHHH!)

There's a lot of cute rooms to gaze at and get inspiration from. And also to sit in and pretend its yours.

extravagance

2010-08-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

This past week I was in Atlanta to help my sister move into her first college dorm. It threw me back to the first time I moved into my college apartment, all four girls' parents & family members are measuring walls, making lists of what to buy next from Ikea and Target, while the young ones are getting increasingly bored and dissatisfied by their nintendo DS's as more time drags on for them. That's exactly what it was like this time when Grace was moving in, minus the bored younger siblings, and that I was one of those "parents" making lists, assembling things and trying to impart tidbits of (what) knowledge I have so my sister will not be eaten alive by evildoers in college. They exist, you know. The evildoers. But stepping back, I saw my parents and their ... for lack of a better english word: 정성. Just to make sure that they could prepare my sister for any need she may have in the future while they are not there to immediately provide for them. My mom wanted to get her a seat cushion so her seat wouldn't be uncomfortable as she spends many hours studying at her desk in the future (in my head I smirked, probably more facebooking than studying at that desk! :P) my dad was willing to take a week off of work away from church just so my sister would be well-settled in. It did not matter how many trips they had to make back to Target just so that my sister would have everything they could possibly give her to prepare her for a successful and fun first year. And i know because they did the same for me, they still do the same for me. Though at times their 정성 may amount to more at certain times and less at others, it has always been the same heart. But if that is the heart of my earthly parents--the extravagance of our Father's lavishing love is triple, quadruple, sooo much more than that. He desires for our best, he wants the best for us. His love is rich and He wants to give from that rich, deep, extravagant love. It's odd isn't it? To ask for the best, it makes us feel selfish sometimes. Sometimes as Christians we keep our face to the ground, thinking all we must ever do is sacrifice and be afraid to ask for more, the best. I want to be able to ask God for the best, I want to ask for His lavishing upon me, that I may know and understand His extravagant love for me. I just want to ask and ask in expectation that He wants to give just because He loves me :]

old friends

2010-08-10T08:48:00.001-07:00

Being in the midst of old friends is like flipping through the pages of a familiar book....

You know all the contents but it hits you in a new way each time

being a good steward

2010-07-26T01:12:00.000-07:00

"That's a pretty gnarly crack you got there on your phone" my friend comments the first time he sees my phone. Yes, my phone has a pretty large crack that runs along the left side of my phone screen to about 1/3 into my phone. And then a separate crack glides along the top, oh and a little tiny piece actually fell into the screen so its stuck and theres a small hole. (can you visualize it yet?) But it gets worse when I pull out my ipod because theres another huge crack in the shape of an X on the top half of that too. When people see my phone and ipod together they ask me why I'm so careless with my belongings.

In my defense, the ipod I could not help. I was desperately running to catch the bus so i could make it to class on time (this was when I lived 20 minutes via bus away from campus booo) when it fell out of my cardigan pocket, fell on the cement and then dragged for a good half a block before I realized I should probably stop and pick up my dragging piece of precious metal. That feeling sucks, when you pick up your electronic off the floor, hoping for the best, and then turn it up to find out the damage. It kind of feels like a....small punch to your gut. To make it worse, the bus did not even come that day. My phone...well, I just dropped it really bad one Saturday after flyering for the Easter play.

I thought about replacing my phone at least just so it doesn't look so ugly and so people stop asking me the "what happened!?!?!" question over and over again. But to be honest these cracks kind of grew on me...I jokingly respond now and simply say that "it gives my belongings character. plus, no one will want to steal these from me :D" store treasures in heaven, not on earth! attach myself to things above, I've been praying about being more kingdom-minded lately - I considered it to be a prayer answered.

But the other day a contrary thought came to me...what about being a good steward of my belongings? What about taking care of the things that are given to me. So I am working on that now. Doing my best to take care of the things I have, without growing too attached...And note to self: buy cases for electronics before it's too late.

Wordblock

2010-07-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

Over the past few days I've been struggling with the ability to express myself in writing. Either I'm out of practice or I just haven't been thinking hard enough lately. I blame the heat and lack of reading I've been doing on my part these days. I miss the ability to articulate myself through the stringing together of words to paint the perfect picture of what's inside to surface (for example, that right there was the oddest run-on I've seen in awhile..)

All I can think of right now is one korean word that would aptly describe how I feel: 답답해

I'm pooped.

King of Anything

2010-07-13T09:36:00.001-07:00

pianos made of silverware

back from mexico! part uno

2010-07-11T22:16:00.000-07:00

Just got back from Mexico missions in Sonora/Sonoyta. I'm so emotionally/physically exhausted and yet so excited I want to share and type everything I felt and saw out but my fingers are at war with my mind. Plus some things need to be processed for longer so I may just spread different topics out on different posts. So lets start out with something easy, like the food YUM.

We ate a total of 21 mexican meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner straight. I've never eaten so well on a mission trip before and I don't think I ever will again. Not only did I already love Mexican food (king taco and el taurino what whattt) but authentic Mexican food takes it to another level. Our team was blessed with a team of 5 wonder-women members of the church who would so lovingly and sacrificially prepare all of our meals every day for a week and a half. carne asada tacos, bean burritos, tamales, tostadas, fish tacos, oh and coke with every single meal. Mexicans drink coke like its water, I think I've had enough to last me the next 5 years.

More than anything I was so touched by all of the love from the hands that prepared each of those meals. Every day they would stand there with beads of sweat dripping down the sides of their face as they greet us standing behind all the food they prepared. During hours they weren't serving us they'd be chatting together in the kitchen, catching a break before they get back to standing around the fire making homemade tortillas for the next meal.

Cooking has got to be a love language, I don't know why it isn't already.

blogging from portland

2010-06-22T21:47:00.001-07:00

Hello blogging world! Writing from Portland here...

Some observations of Oregon

lots of white people, hard to find Asian people. It's weird being somewhere again where you get double takes for being Korean

Yesterday was the longest day of the year b/c it was the official beginning of summer, I do believe. We were driving up at 9:30 pm and it was still light out! So crazy...
It smells like grass here ... everywhere. I actually like it (probably b/c I am not allergic to pollen and spring/summer in general) it reminds me a lot of the suburbs in Jersey, lots of open space to read/sit out and enjoy the sun

In other news...I am addicted to the iphone app Words with Friends. Lets play if you have an account!

random bunches of things i think about these days

2010-06-17T17:14:00.000-07:00

Wisdom Teeth

I think I have an extra wisdom tooth growing in...yikes. I'm pretty sure I took out both wisdom teeth from that side of my mouth but now there's a new white tooth rearing its ugly head through my gums and it hurrtsssss! (insert annoying screaming noise) I should go get it checked out soon. Either I have bad memory regarding where I got my wisdom teeth pulled or I have an abnormal amount of teeth :(

My moms response to my whining: Why do all the nutrients go to your teeth and not your height! :(

Mom..sorry to break it to you but I'm not gonna grow anymore...

Coffee and breakfast

As of late I've really started to enjoy having coffee with my meals, usually breakfast. I really like it when the restaurant will have yummy coffee. I used to think it was a very old person thing to do, but I'm starting to find myself really liking it. You know when you're young and going to Starbucks was such a "cool" thing to do, knowing what to get, knowing how to get it, blah blah. I will admit, I was guilty of it too as a middle school/high school student. But now, if I can I'd rather order from restaurants to get my daily fix of coffee. The next best thing to that is when my mom will have a cup for me when I get ready for school in the morning. It's a spoiled privilege that I am fully aware of :)

Observations

For the past 2 weeks I've been going out to Virgil Middle School in LA to observe different teachers and classrooms. It sort of feels like being back in junior high again, but this time I have the power to switch in and out of classrooms so it's really nice. Plus, I'm not going through that awkward transitional period in life with breakouts and self-esteem issues (or...am i? paahahahah! did that make you uncomfortable, reader? :D) so junior high isn't so hard. But man is it just me or are the kids getting BIGGER these days? The first day I stepped on campus I got a little scared walking by some of the kids in the hallway.

I've learned SO much from the past two weeks. Watching teachers that I wish I had while growing up, the way they so strategically act, speak, listen and move in order to engage students and to educate their minds....it blew me away. There is definitely much more to learn but I consider myself lucky for the chance I had to be a walking sponge for two weeks.

Yelp

So I started yelping a few months back with no real intention of becoming Yelp Elite. Because, that's a lot of money to try different places plus I (thought I) was kind of busy. But considering that I will still spend that money regardless on new eateries and places, added on to the fact that I am not too busy to write a few reviews each day....I am going for it! If I get it, I'll get it. Someone gave me the tip the other day "just churn out 100 reviews" :O 100 reviews??? Apparently I've got approximately 87 more to go then. Come join in on the ride!

Hot sauce and being asian

So as I've been going on these food excursions I have been finding myself really wanting to have some sort of hot sauce with me at all times. Granted some foods call for Tabasco, while others need Sriracha and of course Tapatio to hit the spot. I don't remember when it was exactly but someone once told me that it's a very asian thing to ask for hot sauce in restaurants so sometimes I find myself getting very...self-conscious for desiring hot sauce :( booo! Is it asian to like hot sauce with your food??

Century Gothic

My friend Andre who is a teacher at Virgil LOVES to use Century Gothic on all his papers, handouts and classroom signs..to the point I started to make fun of him the first day I started observing. He says its "clean and easy to read" but now I see it everywhere. It's funny, the things you look for will show up if you look hard enough.

That's a random ramble :) Hi Jenny!

habits

2010-05-25T01:01:00.000-07:00

Sarah and I often talked about how funny it is that we sometimes fortunately (and, unfortunately) find traits within us that lead back to our parents. At times I'll catch myself saying phrases that I only heard my mom say or I'll stop in my tracks as I remind myself how eerily familiar one of my actions is. The more I spend time with my parents now that I'm back here in socal, the more I learn that many of my own habits and preferences are indeed those of my parents. Today the three of us headed out to the 찜질방 (Korean spa, ish). The three of us met in the main room, each person carrying out a book. I was trying to finish Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Saffron Foer (highly recommend). Both my parents also both enjoy reading and I had a lot of fun just sitting in the backseat of the car, watching them discuss their respective books. I flipped through my dad's book, just for fun. As I flipped through the pages of his book that was titled (roughly translated) "Do you know what a loving church is" I was surprised to find lots of pages with underlinings and check marks. It's the exact same way I love to mark my books while I read lines that stick out to me or the ones I want to remember for a very long long time. It made me unnecessarily giddy, knowing that I could identify just one more thing that linked me back to him...something that made us more or less, similar.

Notting Hill Ruminations

2010-05-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

Today, I watched Notting Hill for the first time. What was supposed to be an adventurous drive to Napa with four girlfriends for a scenic drive and a rather sophisticated attempt at wine tasting was thwarted by the bipolar Berkeley weather. Instead, we spread two blankets out in the center of our soon to be old-apartment and had a grand picnic within dry walls. We tried horseradish cheese for the first time (quite yummy actually) and then decided to watch Notting Hill, it was my first time.

While watching it the thought occurred to me, the beauty of being in love with your best friend. Of course it’s an idea that I’ve entertained before and decided would be the best feeling in the world. Now granted I was watching Notting Hill where the two main characters are in fact not best friends but actually somewhat estranged lovers (the movie with the best friends is When Harry Met Sally) but even still, in the scene where they just spend an unexpected wonderful day together led me to thinking…I would love to spend our days just lounging around the living room. Each one reading their newspaper, sharing funny articles with one another and favorite lines, watching movies and rating them, sitting out on the porch (being that I am from New Jersey I have an affinity for porches and decks) and drinking coffee :) Perhaps I romanticize it a bit too much, but whatever….I can romanticize if I want. To others that may seem boring but to me, it is rather comforting and beautiful. The joy of being in love with your best friend. The one who loves what you love. Perhaps because it genuinely interests him too, or perhaps because you love it, it’s enough reason for him to love it too.I hope we will spend many moments like these, and I hope we will never ever get bored of them.

perfect translation

2010-05-13T18:45:00.001-07:00

I think Koreans are better at translating books to the silver screen. I love that the movie portrayed the character exactly as I imagined them in my head when I read the book a long long time ago.

And to think...I used to read Korean books. Maybe I'll try one again this summer.

2010-05-13T16:56:00.000-07:00

All I wanna do is read. Instead I'm studying and coming up with body worship moves and getting around to packing...

little letters

2010-05-11T22:43:00.000-07:00

dear new co-worker,
welcome to my boring but comforting job at haas, i hope you will enjoy those hours you spend scanning and erasing and pdf-ing all summer long

dear three korean ladies gossipping at panera,
did you know that i was korean? and that i understood every snide comment you all made? please, show discretion the next time you decide to park yourselves and your rude attitudes in the study zone of panera.

dear residents of the 5th floor in our apt building,
thank you for not staring at me like a weirdo when you see me talking on the phone in the stairwell. our walls are thin, you know.

dear daddy who randomly called me today,
you made my already great day just a little better. it was so great to hear your deep and thick voice over the phone, discussing summer plans with me. thank you for treating your 21-year-old daughter like a grown up because she asked you to.

dear telegraph apartment,
i really don't want to move out of you. i really really will miss you, you have been my favorite berkeley apartment so far with your white walls, interesting floor plan, mice poop, stubborn heaters and all...i really find you adorable

love,
rachel

chosen words

2010-05-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever read an entry where the words were just so honest, it felt like you cleared up on the insides too?

where the writer was just so honest, just so clear about what he felt
just reading their description makes you feel every hurt
every heart wrenching decision as if it were your own to make?

i just stumbled upon an entry where the writer described
her heartache in exactly the same way i felt it
{with all the words i did not have}
i love it when you can read writing that chooses each word so carefully
that it ultimately paints the picture you see in your head
just the way you see it

white walls

2010-05-11T00:10:00.001-07:00

I love white walls and especially white kitchens. I can't wait till I have my own someday.

2010-05-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

"When you hit a wall while writing, just take a break and read some good writing. That should get you back on your feet."

- Tom Goldstein, my journalism professor at the end of the semester

agh frustration!

2010-05-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Take home finals are indeed tedious.
I knew that if I answered one question of 300 words every day since Thursday, I'd be done by Monday.
But instead I'm doing anything possible without answering one question.
Like blog. tumblr. yelp. twitter. buzz. youtube. facebook.
Frustration.

In other news,
I just recommended a movie to my favorite Berkeley professor.
And she agreed with me.
Ahhh she makes me blush!

summer reading list

2010-05-08T13:57:00.001-07:00

1. Velvet Elvis, by Rob Bell
2. The Surrendered, by Chang Rae Lee
3. Half the Sky, by half the sky movement

any further suggestions?

checklists

2010-05-06T12:02:00.000-07:00

Anniversary + birthdays + mother's day = broke broke broke

I had my first beer the other day and it was yummy!! I am starting to think I may like beer more than wine...somehow I feel less feminine and girly for thinking that way. Oh well?

This song makes me smile. It is the current repeat song of the week.
[edit] wowza, why is the youtube clip so huge on my page?

what i will miss about this semester

2010-05-05T03:10:00.001-07:00

Interesting classes that simply and solely cover journalism
Living 5 mins walk away from Sather gate
Watching intense fights break out on Telegraph from the safety of our apartment
Sarah's green tea muffins, those are delicious.
Ed 190 class, I will never forget this about my years at Cal
Smallgroup leading & smallgroup girls

On the other hand, I won't miss

Waking up to unnecessary construction noise, crazy people yelling for no apparent reason
Finding little tiny pieces of undesirable mice poop in our kitchen (gross)
8 AM classes where I don't shower or wash up for at all because I woke up at 7:55
All the rain that poured this year

Spain 2011

2010-05-03T15:35:00.000-07:00

I am going to Spain summer 2011 and nobody stop me.

The Supply

2010-05-01T02:26:00.000-07:00

SUPPLY

I stumbled upon this site because a friend of mine is on staff for this non-profit. I didn't think much of it because it's inevitable you'll come across a mess of links on facebook. There's the funny links, the ones that waste your time, and then there are those that make you stop whatever you were doing and get sucked in. For me, this link sucked me in.

They're a non-profit organization focused on improving education in developing countries around the world. Right now, they are doing a drive collecting $20 from 1,000 people in 20 days to donate $20,000 worth of school supplies to students in schools.

As someone who's been to Cambodia and seen the way that schools operate there, I can't help but donate to be a part of the greater mission this org is trying to accomplish. $20, $20,000 are all arbitrary numbers. It doesn't matter whether its $20 or $10. What matters is that schools need better tables, chairs, and books. Schools in these countries need teachers who will actually commit to their students and show up on time for class. Schools need building space and students to fill those buildings. Schools need your help.

Be the supply!

(This pretty much turned into an ad for this organization-it's also a break from my 10 page paper. But really, give it a second thought.)

margins in life

2010-04-29T23:56:00.000-07:00

Joey told me that just as cars on a highway need margins from each other, humans need margins in their schedule between commitments in order to survive. Lanes on a freeway aren't just big enough so a car can barely fit through. No, the lanes are much bigger so that the car has room to swerve a little, move a little, and hopefully be safe from other cars' movements. I thought the analogy was quite clever. I used to be so apt to place my commitments (classes, work hours, volunteering, smallgroup, lunch dates, date dates, church stuff) all back to back. I thought any time in between would be time wasted. I still catch myself doing that sometimes but I have been trying to know how to block off some time here and there. It can be as simple as 30 minutes or an hour but these times are down times--chances for me to just relax and take a breather. These times are not wasted, they are rather necessary for me to keep my cool.

Meet Liju!

2010-04-25T23:29:00.000-07:00

Meet Liju! I adopted him as my Compassion child today. It's been a long time coming to this decision. Money and finances has always been a tough spot for me because it's always so easy for me to be selfish with it. Liju is from India! I hope we can be pen pals soon...

------------------------

Last Friday I went to a charter school in Oakland for a project in one of my education classes. We had to give a short 25 minute presentation and pretty much, we got gg pwned by the students. I felt so helpless and really all I was thinking the whole time was "am I really cut out for this, someone help me...students have mercy on me! I'm cool I promise!" What am I doing...

Lately I've been drinking way too much coffee, I'm scared I might be getting addicted to it. Before espressos would be too strong for me to drink and now I'm drinking two at a time. This can be dangerous, it's not even finals season yet.

I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with my summer. Considering how much I enjoy/love/need control, this is very scary for me to deal with. God, I'm putting my faith and trust in you so I really hope you know what you're doing because I don't. My pastor likes to joke around with me and say "enjoy the ride Rachel, are you enjoying the ride?" It's one of those jokes where he really means it truthfully but he's going to pass it off as a joke. He says there are some kids who are in the car and constantly ask their parents ARE WE THERE YET ARE WE THERE YET and then there are others who just fall asleep, enjoy the scenery, or get sucked into their gameboy/tv show. Needless to say, he meant I was the first sort. Rachel, enjoy the ride...

paper writing

2010-04-21T20:55:00.001-07:00

I'm at Caffe La Scala, where I find I get the most efficient studying/paper writing done. In front of me is an older couple--reading their own novels and sipping on their own coffees, sharing a pastry together. Every now and then they'll talk to each other, telling them about the story they're reading or any other thought that crosses their mind. I look at them, as I sneak peeks above my computer screen, wishing and hoping for that day to come for me one day.

dear future husband, lets go to cafes and sip coffee and read books in the future! :D

sigh....for now I'll just get back to my paper.

Ugly Betty

2010-04-20T00:02:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite tv shows came to a series end today. It lasted four years. I remember when I first started getting into it senior year in high school. It was about a smart but "ugly" girl from Queens getting a job as assistant to the editor at a high fashion magazine, needless to say I was hooked. Over the four years, it's almost funny how much allegiance I gave to this tv show. Through it's good seasons, through it's rather unusually and over the top dramatic seasons, I never skipped one episode. I loved the rather cheesy humor, I loved watching the way each character's story was developed, often drawn out over and over but nevertheless developed. It's weird now that it's all wrapped up and over. From ugly to beautiful but still always true to herself, I'll miss Ugly Betty!

2010-04-15T09:58:00.000-07:00

요세 마음이 너무 아프다...

lovely week

2010-04-11T01:34:00.000-07:00

I had the most lovely week ever. Filled with

afternoon cheeseboard excursion
ici
late night nude sushi
lots of nertz playing
lots of talking and fun conversations
cherry blossom festival
too much walking
sf shopping
rude experience at macaron store
lots of google maps on my blackberry
lots of walking in random new streets of san francisco
columbine talks
dottie's true blue restaurant and having the best brunch evar
3 bart trips to sf in 4 days
first kollaboration sf

Update with pictures to come. All in all, what I've learned this week -- conversations with your closest girl friends are the best. With Susan in town, it truly felt like spring break pt. 2. Even as we were eating and nertzing on the floor of our very own apartment, it felt like we were somewhere far far away....

wishes

2010-04-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this is strictly Korean so I will refrain from ignorantly saying that it is..but growing up it was a huge phase for girls to buy tons of tiny strips of colorful shiny paper and wrap, tie, and puff them into small stars. Somewhere in the movies or in the old telltale stories we learned that our deepest wishes would come true if we could fill a jar full of them or make 1000 stars. The more talented girls would go on to make more things such as cranes but origami was never a strength of mine. So I stuck to these stars. I told myself it was silly to expect a wish to come true just because I folded some pieces of paper. Even as a child I had difficulty putting my hope in something that didn't seem plausible. Thus fairy tales and fantasy genres don't sit well with me (Harry Potter, for example). But now as a full grown adult (as I'd like to think) I wish it was easy as a jar full of paper stars to make my deepest hopes and dreams come true...

favorites...

2010-03-28T01:35:00.001-07:00

One of the main highlights of my spring break. (Boy in the front left row=evidence that middle school boys will always be the same)

first Boiling Crab experience, epic.

I don't know why but so far in the past month 3 homeless people have told me to smile. They say things like "let me see your smile" "where did your smile go?" and "did you drop your smile over there?" Is there some kind of street jargon I'm missing out on? Or am I really not smiling enough...

mover of hearts

2010-03-25T15:18:00.000-07:00

The Lord alone is the mover of hearts. He's moving mine, each and every day. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. He is in control and I will go how He leads. I asked Him to shut the doors as He pleases and I feel that is what is happening...

lets go to sleep now

2010-03-17T02:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I sleep at 2 or 3 these days. I need to make it a habit to sleep and wake up earlier. I always regret it when I wake up at 10 or 11 the next day. I've been meaning to walk over to La Farine and have a morning for myself one of these days...the weather's been too beautiful as of late not to do that.

Spring break is so soon, I can't wait. I have a sticky note full of places I want to go and things I want to eat, per usual. Beach beach beach....I'm gonna drive to the beach, put my windows down and drive with my sunroof open :D yeeee

beam me up

2010-03-11T11:09:00.000-08:00

Recently, I watched Star Trek for the first time. Honestly, it was alright (Sarah, don't kill me) I blame my apparently skewed personal opinion to the fact that I watched the movie in two separate sittings. But anyway, one thing that I keep thinking about since I watched the movie was...what if we could just be beamed to & fro wherever and from wherever we wanted?? I'd beam myself to campus, take this bloody midterm, and then beam myself straight on home. Because really...that's the only place I want to be right now.

beam me up, Scotty!

2010-03-10T20:16:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have anything more than a stack of readers up to my head and a bunch of random theoretical arguments to prove my college education....

***

Today I cleared out the documents on my computer and stored the unnecessary folders on my hard drive. Having the ability to throw it away and yet have it for safe keeping whenever I may need it, comforts me.

***

I forgot how scared I'd get when I opened up my iTunes at Mainstacks. There are so many shared playlists it's kind of scary. It's fun to discover new music through their playlists though...kind of creepy, I guess?

***

I just discovered Passion Pit, and I like! in a jung-shin-up-neun, oh look I'm in Urban Outfitters kind of way...

funny conversations

2010-03-09T23:42:00.000-08:00

My dad's back from Vietnam, Thailand and Korea. He is pretty well known for his hilarious voice mails. Yesterday, he left one on my phone saying "daddy is came back to America!" It cracked me up. I'm so proud of him for the English skills he does have but sometimes he says some pretty heelarious things. He'd be embarrassed to know I talked about him on my blog...

The same day I was talking with one of my middle schol kids named Cang. A few weeks ago he came to class in a pretty bad mood and so I find myself being more sensitive to him when in class. I asked him how his day was going when he responded with the last response I had been expecting "why do you always ask me that question!? Do you think I'm emo or something!?!" He made me laugh too. Silly kid, can't even look out for him without being scolded! Hmph

2010-03-02T21:50:00.001-08:00

$$$

2010-02-21T21:51:00.000-08:00

One thing I really can't just buy on the spot are plane tickets. I don't know why. I seem to have not too bad of a problem when it comes to buying clothes, shoes, accessories. But when it comes to plane tickets for some reason I must think that if I just wait a few days the prices will magically go down. I don't understand myself on this, since obviously that is NOT the case. Plane tickets only go up, they never go down. Is there such thing as a "clearance sale" on plane tickets? (This one is not a rhetorical question, please leave a comment if you know the answer to this) But it's something about tying myself to those dates of leaving and coming that I can't commit to. Commitment issues, in a weird way? Maybe. I have to buy plane tickets for spring break which is in a month but I just can't get myself to buy them...plus, plane tickets are expensive. [note to self: buy tickets for spring break soon!!]

2010-02-19T11:05:00.000-08:00

What do you do when everything is out of your hands. When the only solution is the one thing you just can't do...

2010-02-12T02:13:00.000-08:00

"마음 넓은 여자가 되자..."

마음 넓히는 일은 결코 쉬운 일이 아니다

구석 하나 하나씩 멀리, 더 멀리 넓힐 때 마다

아프고 또 아프다

마음을 넓히는 일은 결코 쉬운 일이 아니다

그래도 난, 마음 넓은 여자가 되고싶다...

we're all doing it

2010-02-08T12:49:00.000-08:00

My pastor likes to say that "we are all evangelists." Granted, that the word evangelism is, by definition, connected to Christianity. If you take that part out of the equation, we are all persuading others about something. We are all identifying ourselves as a follower of a certain something. This computer that I am typing away at, has a huge apple on the front. Everyone who sees me, will know I am a Mac user (And very proud of it, may I add). Another example, last week in my visual communications class my professor decided she would not come. Instead, she made us watch a hour and a half documentary about the font Helvetica. (I apologize for those who have already heard me talk about this.) The point is, at the time I hated it because I couldn't believe someone would actually watch a video about a FONT. What else is there really to say about a font? However, as I watched this video it made me realize just how many places in our every day lives that this font is used. In my surprise of this realization, I began to tell everyone I knew about it. I told it to my roomate, to the people that I carpooled up to Tahoe with, the other sg leaders, the list goes on. As we were driving I kept pointing out all the places that I found it. Then they started noticing it all around them too. That's how word spreads, that's how evangelism happens. As he usually is, my pastor was right. We're all doing it, I guess the question is...what is your evangelism about?

2010-02-08T00:18:00.001-08:00

I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.

-- from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

2010-01-31T22:46:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get so lazy that I'm even too lazy to spit out the gum I'm chewing. By then I'm too lazy to chew so I just leave the gum in my mouth.... kind of gross?

Everything made me cry this week. I just kept crying for no reason at times and at other times it seemed legitimate but then I cried way too much. Crying is relieving at times, to just let all of that go. But it hurts to open your eyes the next morning and owwwweee it stings!

Today my brother sent me a text that read FWD:FWD:FWD: God is going to fix two things tonight (BIG) in your favor. If you believe in God send to ten people. DO IT NOW! PUT HIM FIRST! Oh geez. Dear David, please don't believe things like this...

Tomorrow is my first (real) day with the kids. Lord, please let me love them!

Green Pastures

2010-01-28T00:45:00.000-08:00

Today, I watched Green Pastures. They are an organization in Korea that takes in orphans and feeds them, cares for them, shares the gospel, and then teaches them many instruments ranging from traditional Korean flutes to the cello. They were a group of 29 kids touring in the states. The head of this organization is a man who gave up his profession as a doctor and then became a pastor.

These kids can play 2 to 3 instruments each, and when they play, they play with joy. Their bodies sway back and forth, the smiles on their faces seemed genuine. And of course, they are performing, but it seemed to be much more real than just an act to pull on heart strings. But it did pull on my heart strings. It made me cry, over and over again.

Because the whole night I was thinking one thing: what man can throw away, God can redeem so beautifully. What suffering & abandonment these kids must have dealt with... What hunger, and fear. What about their loneliness. If your parents won't keep you, then who will? But God kept them, and through this organization, they are able to be a testament to God's powerful redeeming love.

2010-01-27T02:12:00.001-08:00

Biting my tongue.

But man it's so hard.

I need wisdom, so badly.

I need perseverance.

i can't sleep

2010-01-21T02:37:00.000-08:00

I should be able to sleep early and wake up early. My schedule demands this control, I have 8 AM classes. I have avoided them like the plague since freshman year but this semester I really don't have a choice. But instead, I am suffering with insomnia and the inability to fall asleep. Every night a million and one thoughts run through my mind and drift into nowhere. I toss and I turn, only to find myself wide awake. It's not that I'm not tired, I'm sleepy & I bust out these really unladylike yawns every now and then which would make my mother cringe if she ever caught me. But still, I am up at 2:40 in the morning....writing this.

First days of school are always the same, they don't change much just because you're in college. You're still unsure of what to expect and you hope for a good professor and a good seat in the lecture hall. My 8 AM class would be worse if it was a tedious or boring class. It's quite the opposite. It's finally my first actual journalism class and I am SO excited for it. It's too bad I had to wait 3 years to actually enroll in my first journalism course but my professor seems pretty legit. I'm quite honestly tired of the theory of it all, the theory of communications and visuals and yada yada. I want to study journalism, the field, the work and hopefully I will finally be able to do that! Oh if only it weren't at 8 in the morning...

All my classes fall on Tuesday and Thursday this semester. Till now I've had a pretty even course load each day which made it bearable, I'm unsure if my body will be able to handle having it all loaded on 2 days, with classes back to back. I guess I'll have to wait to find out...(so why am I awake right now!?!? T_T)

I need to sleep. Goodnight world. In hopes for a better sleeping schedule...

2010-01-14T00:51:00.000-08:00

The mind can often be very selective

TJ's

2010-01-13T17:33:00.000-08:00

You know what is really good and not that expensive compared to the quality? Trader Joe's! They surprisingly have lots & lots of good stuff that doesn't burn a hole in your wallet either. Their drinks are really yummy and their artichoke spinach dip is delicious. I'm waiting to go back to try their instant Chai mix myself. Now that I have 8 AM's coming up this semester I realize I should have maybe asked for a coffee maker this Christmas...

in the rachelmobile!

2010-01-11T01:00:00.001-08:00

Today, after having dinner & conversation with p.dub before leader peter's commissioning service, i had just a few minutes alone in my car before I had to go in. I realize that a car can sometimes transform into your mini-mobile-room. And you get to have some alone time every now and then...it's nice. But anyway, while I was just there, this song (refer to youtube clip!) came on. It was on my ipod but I had never actually heard it before. But you know sometimes when things are just timely? This was one of those moments

(v.1)

Purify this tainted soul

I'm tired of living life a fool

Soften up this hardened clay

To be a servant this I pray

A reflection of You I long to be

So Your kingdom I will seek

----

I will make my heart Your home

I surrender to Your throne

just get back on

2010-01-09T22:32:00.000-08:00

Recently, I learned how to ride a bike. My brother taught me the other day after a very embarrassing string of events. Don't ask me how I made it to 20 without learning how to ride a bike...something most people associate with a normal childhood. Venice beach is nice because there's a nicely paved area where only bikers are allowed, and the water is literally right there. I would have appreciated it more too if I wasn't busy trying to balance and grab balance of my bike. I couldn't get it... each time I tried to ride for anything longer than 10 seconds I would lose all balance again and then try to avoid getting in people's ways which then led me to a beautiful disaster with the nearby sand and once, a poor elderly man who was minding his own business. The whole time David was behind me, even pacing me with a steady "1 2 3" to try and get me to learn. But he finally told me the key to balancing was to just keep pedaling. Even as you feel like you're losing your balance, you just keep pedaling and then you find your balance again. It's when you stop pedaling that it all comes apart. Try it next time! (If you're learning, that is)

Biking is actually really really fun, and it costs as little as $6 for an hour! Fun idea to do with friends/family/significant other!

2010-01-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

Looks like I have to add one more additional resolution to my list of 5....

In 2010 I need to stop eating out so much, and perhaps refrain from eating Chipotle once a week, and exercise more. Sigh.... I really wish I didn't have to.

wisdom

2010-01-05T23:34:00.000-08:00

Wisdom is so hard. If you can't talk to your sister about important stuff you want to be able to talk to with other women of God... how you gonna do it Rachel?

Sigh. Disappointment.

But in other news, www.noteonanapkin.tumblr.com for pictures & other random tidbits. I'm gonna do a trial of doing both...we shall see how it goes.

a new year

2010-01-01T21:57:00.000-08:00

Hello 2010!

I feel this need/desire to leave. To go somewhere new and just be in a new surrounding. Coming home from Berkeley kind of felt like that, but I want to go somewhere that is not home and just relax & vacation. So I'm going to San Diego for...a day. I'm still looking forward to it, for now it's the best I got. So here we come SD! Matching totoro shirts and all...muahahha. Phils, SD zoo, nertz (probably), cambo 2k8 reunion, La Jolla, cliffs for the first time ... i'm excited!

I told myself I would read a lot this break, but suddenly my reading list has expanded. I don't really like reading multiple books at once because my mind can't handle it all and I inevitably get confused w/ all the styles and character names and etc. but currently I've found myself in a limbo reading:

Spiritual Leadership
When God Writes Your Love Story
Eat.Pray.Love

I will do reviews on some of them when I finish!

My family has tradition of having a family service each New Years evening. We share our year verses and then share our resolutions for accountability. My mother says she will bring the list of all our resolutions to the Lee family Thanksgiving brunch we have each year. This year will be interesting...lots of reshaping, stripping, and (I hope) blessing. Lord, give me the humility & strength to let go of this tight grip I have on the things you want from me. Ahhh, it would be an understatement to say I'm scared out of my mind.

Christmas Jubilee

2009-12-25T23:42:00.000-08:00

Each year our home church puts on a Christmas Jubilee. The children's department goes all out to put on a 45 minute musical and these kids are so talented. They memorize scripts that are probably difficult even for me to get down...and with so much expression & singing on top of that. We're so lucky to have directors and teachers who are willing to put up with these kids for 2 months straight in an effort to put up this show. The set was beautiful, the kids were so cute, and the musical itself was touching.

I sat next to my friend Narae for the Candlelight service. P Sam says it's his favorite joint service of the year and though I don't get the chance to go to too many joint services anymore, the candlelight service is also my favorite. The whole sanctuary lights up one person at a time, and everyone sings Silent Night together. By the end of all 4 verses, darkness turns into light. Toward the end of service Narae asked me where I'd be after I graduate...whether I'd stay up in nor cal. Of course, no one knows. Only God. The question caught me off guard and so I replied "wherever I get a job of course" to that she said "니가 너무 없어.." After thinking about all she's been through in 2009, after thinking about what 2009 did to a lot of people around me... I couldn't help but cry. I wish I could have been here for her when everything happened. I wish I wasn't up in Berkeley so lost in my own world up there, so unable to comfort more. Sometimes life throws something at you and you have to grow and mature decades within a span of a few months. You really don't have a choice. Sometimes, it comes sooner than you expect or want. 2009 was a difficult year for a lot of people, sobering, really. 2010...what is in store?

But today is Christmas. And Jesus you came to be with us. You came to give life and hope to the world...so even if 2009 was the way it was, you are hope and you are life. We move on, we grow up, and we mature because you give us a new day to live.

2009-12-24T16:18:00.000-08:00

Jjim jil bang is so fun. And relaxing. I recommend to anybody who doesn't mind getting naked afterwards in the sauna. And my dad is a pro sheep-towel maker, I don't know how.

Merry Christmas everybody!

2009-12-22T01:08:00.001-08:00

Weak because I am human

Tempted because of my sin

Lonely because I ignored you and searched elsewhere

Strong because you are my strength

Victorious because you saved

Joyful because you live

That's it.

Leave him alone

2009-12-13T00:48:00.000-08:00

As we all know, recently Tiger Woods came out and confessed that he had cheated on his wife. But it's been about a week and every time I open up to the LA Times there's yet another article of Tiger Woods. Just within the past day, I've read one article about him taking an indefinite break from golf, and then yet another just about an hour later that questioned why and how his long history of infidelity had been a secret for so long.

Honestly, the story was pretty intriguing for me when it was released. It's Tiger Woods, right? He seemed to have such a pristine history thus far, he never really caused much of a ruckus unless he won another award or fell to second place. But now there was something to hold over his head. I, as a rather apathetic individual regarding Woods before this scandal was suddenly making judgments such as "Why would he do that, how could he do that to his wife when she was pregnant with his child?" But I really think that it's been taken too far. People, leave him alone. He's apologized, and now he's taking time off to try and mend things over with his family. Of course there is the thought--how much is publicity, how much is real, how much is he even really sorry for? But for what it's worth, the press has gone too far.

Dear NY Times,

Give it a rest. Leave Tiger Woods alone for now.

Sincerely,

Rachel.

habits developed in 2009

2009-12-12T17:10:00.000-08:00

Within the past year I realized I developed some habits...A lot of these have no reasons, I really can't answer why I do some of the things I do.

Waking up and immediately checking messages on my blackberry. Seriously it's so addicting...What happened to the days when I would only feel the need to check once a day?
Deconstructing the sleeve on my coffee cup after I'm done drinking it and then placing it inside the cup.
Sarah says when I think something is funny I'll always repeat it for some reason. Sadly, I caught myself doing this after she pointed it out to me.
Twitter has made me so much more aware of random news headlines as well as the mundane going abouts of my friends. Also, where the cupkates truck is at all times -_-. I followed Kogi truck for a little bit but they just updated way. too. often.
Blog checking/browsing every time I open my computer. I get so excited when I see (you guys) and other bloggers have updated since I last checked. One of the bloggers I've been following for a few months just recently got engaged to her boyfriend of 7 1/2 years! I don't even know the girl besides for the fact that she has storage of lots of cool facts & cute pictures on her blog but for some reason I was so happy for her.

Okay that's all I will disclose. My 5 habits of 2009.